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Falling Out of Love Is Not the End

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I’m Not IN LOVE Anymore

I know you’ve heard this. You might have said it.

“I LOVE her, but I’m not IN LOVE with her anymore.”

The kiss of death to most relationships, right?

Not if you understand how relationships work.

The Wedding Is Not the Marriage

First things first: There’s a big difference

between the wedding and the marriage.

A wedding is a party, a celebration for a day.

A marriage is years of getting up each day and

making the hard decision to treat each other

right, no matter the circumstances.

A relationship is not a party. Yeah, sorry.

But it doesn’t have to be a death march, either.

Falling In Love Is Easy

Second things second: There’s a big difference

between how easy it is to fall in love and how

hard it is to navigate life’s challenges while

maintaining respect, communication, romance,

and a sense of humor with your partner for years.

Anyone can fall in love. Not everyone can love.

Once you’re not IN LOVE anymore, that’s

probably when you’re ready for REAL love…

and not before.

Disillusionment Is A Prerequisite

Once the illusion that everything is perfect

has been stripped away, you’re ready to work

at perfecting the underlying relationship.

That is, if there is a relationship underlying.

Once your partner is actually making it hard

for you to love them (how could they?!), you’ll

be faced with how you’re going to respond.

Real Love Is Worth It

Will you be honest with them about what is

working and what isn’t?

Will you end the relationship, because this

isn’t what you signed up for?

Will you hang in there and discover that you

can become closer to your partner through

the hard times, if you’re talking, maintaining

your friendship, and making love a verb?

That’s what you’re going to have do to for love.

That’s real love.


This week we are working on the chapter in

A Year to Change called How to Be A Media

Critic and Be Paid in Self-Esteem.

So if you’re as tired as I am of people feeling like

crap comparing themselves to unattainable images

in advertising, come on down and be the next

contestant in a self-esteem game you can win!


3 Responses to “Falling Out of Love Is Not the End”

  • jenna:

    You are so insightful. I love reading your posts. I respect your advice. I don’t want to go into my marriage thinking life is perfect and easy. I want to go in with a sense of reality. Thank you! Love you!

  • Kathy H:

    My husband and I oth thought we were out of love with each other. When he sugessted a trial separtion I was devastated even though I didn’t like him much at that time. We both thought our marriage was broken but we were broken as indivuals and needed to work on ourselves. Once we broke down the wall we had put up to emotional intimacy, they came crashing down and we got back together; happier than ever. They key, however, was that he needed to work out his issues alone and I am so proud of him for doing so. We are back together and committed to each other. He has become warm and tender which was what I was looking for. You can fall back in love!!!

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