I’m Not IN LOVE Anymore
I know you’ve heard this. You might have said it.
“I LOVE her, but I’m not IN LOVE with her anymore.”
The kiss of death to most relationships, right?
Not if you understand how relationships work.
The Wedding Is Not the Marriage
First things first: There’s a big difference
between the wedding and the marriage.
A wedding is a party, a celebration for a day.
A marriage is years of getting up each day and
making the hard decision to treat each other
right, no matter the circumstances.
A relationship is not a party. Yeah, sorry.
But it doesn’t have to be a death march, either.
Falling In Love Is Easy
Second things second: There’s a big difference
between how easy it is to fall in love and how
hard it is to navigate life’s challenges while
maintaining respect, communication, romance,
and a sense of humor with your partner for years.
Anyone can fall in love. Not everyone can love.
Once you’re not IN LOVE anymore, that’s
probably when you’re ready for REAL love…
and not before.
Disillusionment Is A Prerequisite
Once the illusion that everything is perfect
has been stripped away, you’re ready to work
at perfecting the underlying relationship.
That is, if there is a relationship underlying.
Once your partner is actually making it hard
for you to love them (how could they?!), you’ll
be faced with how you’re going to respond.
Real Love Is Worth It
Will you be honest with them about what is
working and what isn’t?
Will you end the relationship, because this
isn’t what you signed up for?
Will you hang in there and discover that you
can become closer to your partner through
the hard times, if you’re talking, maintaining
your friendship, and making love a verb?
That’s what you’re going to have do to for love.
That’s real love.
This week we are working on the chapter in
A Year to Change called How to Be A Media
Critic and Be Paid in Self-Esteem.
So if you’re as tired as I am of people feeling like
crap comparing themselves to unattainable images
in advertising, come on down and be the next
contestant in a self-esteem game you can win!