A Year To Change – eBook
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What Are You Waiting For?

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Do you think that you’ll be happy when

you finally lose those 15-20+ pounds?

Do you think that when you find the

perfect man/woman, that’s when you

will finally be at peace and fully loved?

How about when you finally get your

dream job/promotion/corner office?

That will surely make you feel that

you’re a success, worthy of others’

and your own esteem. Right?

Childhood Wounds

There are some wounds from childhood

and adolescence, times when you didn’t get

some things like love, safety, and a sense of

security being in the world or times when you

got some things that you didn’t need that

destroyed your sense of wholeness, safety

or security.

Those experiences are like someone digging

up your yard and leaving huge, gaping holes

in the ground.

Looking For Fill Dirt

You can spend your life trying to find things,

both helpful and self-destructive, to fill in

the holes:  careers, relationships, parenting,

hobbies, religion, addictions, distractions,

self-improvement strategies.

It’s like trying to find anything to fill the

void, fill the hole, stop up the wound.

 Avoiding the Hole

You can also spend your life NOT trying to

find things to fill up the hole, because that

way you can say that the hole COULD have

been filled in if you had just gotten the dirt.

What does that look like?

You don’t lose excess weight, because what

if being normal weight doesn’t make you

happy?  Then what are you going to do?

You don’t give up drinking and drugging,

because what if you aren’t more successful

when you’re sober?  You don’t allow

anyone to get close to you, because what

if, when you finally have that “perfect life,”

you have to come to terms with the fact

that no one on this earth can make you

happy except yourself?

Bad News/Good News

I’ve got some bad news for you.

There are some holes that were dug so

deep when you were young, that no one

and nothing is ever going to be able

to fill them in.

I’ve also got some good news to go with

that bad news. Some really good news.

Not so good that it will make up for the

fact that those holes will never get filled in,

but still pretty good news:

It’s not necessary to fill those holes in

order to finally be happy, healthy,

feel worthy, or successful.

Work Them In

You don’t have to erase them, fill them

in, be ashamed you have them, or try

to pretend those holes don’t exist.

You just have to be okay with them

being there, and then work them into

the landscaping.

You admit those are your wounds.

You say, “Yep, those half-filled holes

in the front yard are all mine.” And then

plant begonias and daisies all around them.

You Don’t Have to Love Them

You have to somehow get okay with big

holes being in the front yard.

I’m not saying you have to love them.

But you have to stop trying to find stuff to

fill them in all of them time, thinking

“that’ll do it!” Because it won’t.

It won’t finally make you happy.

It won’t finally make it all better.

And just think of all the time and energy

you’re going to save just sitting in your

lawn chair, enjoying the sun setting on

those holes.


This week in A Year to Change , we are working

on the chapter titled Experiment With Change!

If you aren’t sure you want to or can make a big

change in your life, the best way to approach it

is to experiment…and I can show you how!

Come join us mad scientists and have some fun

making healthy changes in your life!

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