A Year To Change – eBook
Sanz Kindle Cover
Kred Badge

Self-Esteem Is YOUR Job

528111_494496560580512_1782826976_n (1)


Self-Doubt and Low Self-Esteem

Not sure if you’re all that sexy and attractive?

Do you constantly need approval from others?

Are you never sure that you are good enough?

These are all examples of a situation where

there’s a hole that needs to be filled.

The fact that you’re insecure, unsure,

feeling inadequate or confused isn’t the problem.

It becomes a problem when you depend on

others to make you feel better about yourself.

Just A Little Reassurance

What’s the big deal with asking for a little

reassurance?  Well, nothing.  If that’s all it is.

We all need a little reassurance from time to time.

Constantly asking for reassurance from someone,

or needing their approval, is what is the big deal.

Here’s why depending on others for self-esteem

is a losing proposition:

1.  The reassurance only lasts a little while.

Like a drug you will become addicted to, you

are going to need more and more to keep feeling “okay.”

You’ll immediately feel better when someone tells you

you’re hot, or smart, or really not a bad person,

but the effect won’t last very long.  If it lasts at all.

2.  You won’t really believe what they’re saying.

Because you know all your real underlying faults,

weaknesses, and failures you will never really give

anyone else the status of “expert” on yourself…

not that you should.  But their word isn’t final,

and you’ll question their ability to know and be able

to make informed comments about the “real you.”

3.  It won’t really solve the real problem.

If you’re feeling bad about yourself, insecure,

unworthy…asking for reassurance from others is

really like asking someone else to fill the hole

that only you can fill.  Self-esteem is YOUR job.

No one else can do it, but you.

Fill Your Own Hole

There’s an old saying in the field that

“Self-esteem is an inside job.”

And that job is filling your own hole.

You can try to get others to shovel

dirt into that hole, but it just doesn’t

seem to do the job.  Maybe the dirt just

settles, leaving the hole a little shallower,

but still there.  The hole is still there.

The need to feel better is still there.

You Are the Only Person

You are the only person who can truly

make yourself feel that you are worthy

of love, of health, of success.

You are the only person who can truly

make it okay for you to accept compliments,

believe in yourself, take healthy risks,

enjoy hard-earned accomplishments,

feel you are attractive, lovable, sexy,

wonderful to know, enjoyable to be with.

Start Shovelling!

Compliments and reassurances from others

will only fill that hole a little bit…the rest of

the hard work of shoveling is up to you.

Once that hole is filled, you can stand on

top of that packed dirt, strong and proud,

and feeling like you’re on top of the world.

Because you’ll certainly be on top of yours!  🙂


Leave a Reply


Newsletter Sign Up
Sign Up
RSS Feed

I’ve given this a lot of thought, because no matter what someone coming into therapy says they want [...]

Here are a few things to do if you’re preparing to deal with a hurricane: Stock up on a 7-day supply [...]

Here are three important things you can do if you find yourself scared of being involved in a mass s [...]

The most commonly suggested way to manage anxiety is to calm the nervous system by using diaphragmat [...]

So I was talking with a client today about boundaries. As usual. Therapists love to talk about bound [...]

Sorry for the click bait title.  The medical field has not actually discovered that cancer is contag [...]

I am lucky enough to know someone who just turned 100 years old this week. She’s my mother-in-law, G [...]

You’ve probably heard people describe life after a trauma as “the new normal.” Is there really such [...]

It’s hard to be a young person today. They are juggling the need to be relevant, successful, unique, [...]

  How do you get over an addiction to food? You’re Not Addicted to Food To be clear, you can’t have [...]

  How do you get over an addiction to food? You’re Not Addicted to Food To be clear, you can’t have [...]

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted here on SanzPlans, but I’ve been busy doing ther mental-health an [...]

It’s the admonition we all received from the time we were children: “Don’t talk to strangers!” But i [...]

  Are You In “Project Purgatory?” You want to get your garage organized but you know you will never [...]

  “So, how was your day?” Fine. “What happened in school today?” Nothing. You’re trying to connect. [...]

  You’ve probably heard of using positive affirmations to improve self-esteem. Changing the way you [...]

  Got More Stuff? So it’s getting to be that time of year when you start thinking about what to do w [...]

  Welcome! I hope you’re here because you’re ready to begin reading and working through A Year to Ch [...]

Comfort and Joy I. tiny strips of red and green paper sticky fingers and Elmer’s glue turn them into [...]

   Bah, Humbug! Hate the holidays? Dread Christmastime? For people who have nothing but bad memories [...]

Email Newsletters with Constant Contact