I became a therapist thinking that
people just naturally wanted to change,
grow, get better, become healthier….
and how cool was that going to be to
assist in that process?!
Boy, was I naive.
After 20 years as a therapist, what I
discovered is that it is extremely rare
for anyone to make real change
unless they absolutely have to.
That’s just Humans 101.
When Does Change Happen?
Your back is up against a wall.
Avoidance and denial isn’t working
anymore and reality is biting you in
the proverbial rear end.
Your symptoms are killing you.
Or you’ve hit rock bottom. Hard.
You’ve finally gotten a wake up call
so loud it’s already burst the eardrums
of everyone within a 50 mile radius.
Then it dawns on you. Hey, maybe I
should do something about this.
When Should Change Happen?
Is that the best time to try to work
on changing something?
When there are no other options left?
Actually, (I hate to say it!) it really can be.
What’s My Motivation?
There’s no motivation like this:
Learn how to communicate or your wife
is going to leave you. (Or she’s already gone
and you’re trying to get her back.)
Figure out how to resolve conflict better
with your boss or you’re going to get fired.
Get sober or lose any chance of having
a normal life. Oh, and good luck getting
your driver’s license back.
Changing Before You Have To
Sometimes knowing that it would be good
for you to change just isn’t enough.
Naive or not, I still really wish it were.
But sometimes you have to know there
aren’t any other options left.
If you’re smart enough to see that your
behavior is getting you to that place where
you will eventually hit rock bottom and you
decide to do something about it, that’s great.
No, it’s more than great. It’s amazing!
Because it’s really, really rare.
Deciding to change before you have to gets
you a gold star before you even start changing.
This week in A Year to Change, we are tackling
the chapter called The Tyranny of the Shoulds,
which is all about how come you don’t change
because you “should?” Yeah, how come?!
If you know you “should” do something or
stop doing something, come and join me in
learning why that’s not going to work…and
learn what actually will! You really should!